FABULOUS FLIPPING FLAPJACKS

Anyone care for a naughty Nelly kind of breakfast?

I’ve come up with my own little recipe for some marvelous flapjacks, the kind that are healthy and friendly towards all the bums and tums out there. How jolly and what a BEAUTIFUL creation!!

Alright, so you’ll need:

  • ½ cup of blueberries
  • 2 ripe bananas
  • 2 happy chicken eggs(free range, ofcourse)
  • 1 tablespoon of Almond Flour
  • A sprinkle of cinnamon
  • A dash of coconut oil (for cooking)
  • Honey

The above ingredients are fit to serve one healthy Heather.

Cooking steps:

Basically, mash your bananas, both happy chicken eggs, blueberries, Almond Flour, and cinnamon together in a bowl and beat until “creamy”.

While doing that, make sure you have your pan ready on the stove with a dash of coconut oil, waiting on a medium heat.

Scoop the mixture into the pan, as you would when making normal flapjacks. Flip when firm and cook the other side too.

Once you have made as many flapjacks as your mixture will allow, serve and feel free to drizzle a touch of honey over your flappers.

Enjoy with your morning coffee. Guilt free treats are the fairest and most fabulous of them all.

Have a dandy day!

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Mycaila – Jade

xxx

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PINEAPPLE PRINCESS

 

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Okay, so I’m not too sure about you, but I am truly a fan of the mighty good old pineapple. I do unfortunately have the tendency to associate it with SpongeBob of all things. I mean how could living through a childhood of watching Mister Squarepants make use of a pineapple for his humble abode not make you question the unlimited uses for this glorious fruit?

First things first, does one not tend to wonder about the health benefits of this delightful little Dorothy when a fruit, as fabulous as the pineapple makes a guest appearance in home décor and fashion trends?

I sure did! Obviously intrigued, I put my Investigative Ingrid skills to practice and found some useful reasons why one should indulge in such juiciness.

These prickly little wonders support heart health and have unexplainable boosts of Vitamin C properties, and not to mention antioxidants. Pineapples help aid weight-loss and are an amazing alternative to processed sugary foods. Get this: 1 cup of pineapple contains only 82 calories.

Although this fruit is considered to contain higher sugar levels, one can still spoil one’s taste buds as long as you stay within your daily calorie allowance. Seems like a win win, surely?

Ladies, what reason would you have to possibly not want to include this gem in your diet? How dare we even consider not doing so?

Oh and how rude of myself to have not yet mentioned that pineapples are low in fat! Tighter Tush alert!

Let’s face it, my fellow happy Harriets, pineapples just make life better.

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Mycaila – Jade

xxx

INITIATION STATION

Oh hello there,

Right so after last week’s trauma of having to all locate our arses while recognising its current scary size, I decided to get myself into gear and test my bottoms’ boundaries with none other than my own exercise and meal plan. Both my arse and I are happy to report some success and have this issue under control! How fabulous!

In the process of teaching my bottom some manners (as stated in my last post), I must say that the firmness of my rear ends personality turned out to be somewhat astounding in terms of fitness levels. Not only did I nearly die but I seemed to have somehow survived my gym routine! What are the chances? At this point, my faith in miracles had been restored.

My routine this week was to ignite my inner gym Jeanie and burn some serious calories; 500 of them per day to be exact! To make it easier for myself and to avoid chances of boredom and distraction, I came up with a plan.

This plan was to break up my cardio goal into sets of 10 minutes on different machines and to burn 100 calories per 10 minutes with a 2 minute break between making another machine my next victim, or other way around. I started off on level 8 on the cardio equipment and increased as beast mode took over.

To be honest, this worked out well, but I did start hating life after the first 3 minutes of cardio on most days, and made mental notes to never touch anything potentially fattening or unhealthy again, as one does when struggling for air on the treadmill!

For the most part I survived the torture and was nothing short of a proud Percy this week for pushing through what seemed to be the impossible.

I made friends with the squat rack every second day and did an alternation of different squats, stiff-leg deadlifts and calf raises. It’s all about trying to get to the Town of the Tight Tush now, isn’t it?

On days that were not leg days, I tried out a combination of my own ab exercises and pulled the most unattractive facial expressions while doing so as my core seemed nonexistent. A Sweaty Netty displaying such ghastly gestures is really something you don’t want to lay your eyes on in the gym. New rule: make as little eye contact as possible to avoid own personal trauma!

After the survival of my daily exercise routine, I found it best to fill up on something nutritious. After all, I did make life altering decisions on the bloody treadmill! I made meals (YES, I COOKED) that were high in protein and veggies (lots of green veggies) and super low in carbs and made sure to down at least 2-4 litres of water a day.

Another important decision which I have made is to cut out alcohol from my diet, apart from the odd glass of wine every now and then to keep the levels of sanity intact.

A walk/hike in Newlands Forrest did my friend and I well one morning on the weekend. This was obviously a less visible way to attract attention to ourselves when short of breath and gasping for air. After all, it is a less populated area with minimal eyes watching the struggle. Definitely appropriate to say that the struggle was real!

I think it’s safe to say that my first week of discipline has been a success while arse manners have been taught appropriately. So far, I have more of a well behaved arse and I am excited to take on the upcoming week.

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Mycaila – Jade

xxx

WINE-ONE-ONE

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Right, so today I enjoyed the luxury of sipping on fermented grapes and indulging in the overflowing masses of bottomless cheese, cheese and more cheese at The Fairview Wine Estate in Paarl, Western Cape.

When we arrived, we were welcomed by beautiful scenery and the very distinctive smell of pure goat. Glorious, I know, but the fact that wine was a promise of the near future helped to settle our ever so offended nostrils!

We opted for the “CLASSIC TASTING” experience which allowed 6 different tastings of wines and unlimited face stuffing of cheese. Jolly good start to the day at 11am, if you ask me!

My first tasting was the Fairview Darling Riesling and oh my heavens, was that a delightful choice! This was an off-dry palate with superbly well balanced acidity and had boisterous bursts of sweet melon, litchi and rose water followed by white pepper. I mean honestly now, does the sound of that not make you want to exploit and violate a bottle of such content? This glorious little invention scored a well deserved 9/10 on my winedometer.

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The second tasting was the average Fairview Darling Sauvignon Blanc. This wine had limited personality and was a bit dull and boring in comparison to the above 9/10 creation. Apparently this wine carried tropical notes of delectably ripe summer melon and is considered to be youthful and more refreshing as it was relaunched as a member of “The New Vintage” collection of wines. This one got a measly 6/10, but basically just scraped through on my winedometer. So it’s practically a 5, but I sympathetically donated an extra point to the scoreboard just because it was wine. Incredibly generous, I know!

The third tasting was the Fairview Chardonnay which was beautiful and well mannered. This little gem had hints of delicate oak and blossoms which ultimately lead to an elegantly textured palate. A gentle squeeze of citrus made an unexpected appearance too with its one and only partner in crime, soft spices. What a good combo, successfully robbing taste buds of any potentially uninvited flavours experienced beforehand. None the less this glass of magic scored a well-deserved 8/10.

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While enjoying the third tasting, we were allowed to evacuate the tasting bar with our glasses, only to make our way down to the cheesiest section of the room.  Goodness me, did this room spoil us or what? Being invited to circulate around such perfection of a selection of cheeses honestly made my heart jolly. First was the classic Feta cheese, then my absolute favourite Brie and Camembert. The next choice was Goats cheese which was surprisingly polite enough not to offend my nostrils, only my taste buds. SLIGHT improvement! Roquefort was next on the list with its mighty little friend, Blue Cheese. After those two we had 3 choices of White Rock Cheese with granadilla, caramel and mango and ginger. The last three were such a privilege.

After being a complete oinker at the cheese bar, we made our way back to our lovely lady Tessa who poured us our fourth tasting, This one was La Capra Rose which was quite a surprise, considering I wasn’t expecting to experience goat in my mouth. Previous flavours of  Goats Cheese had been ignited from the Rose, unfortunately. To say the least, I genuinely questioned life at this point in time as I am not a fan of the goaty flavourings. This one got an offensive 5/10, but I am sure my partly over exposed taste buds were to blame for this one, and not the actual Rose itself.

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After recovering, I went in as confident as ever with my fifth tasting which was the Fairview Viognier. What a beautiful and delightfully non traumatic choice that was! A dominant nose of pear drops and jasmine blossom create mounts of fresh flavours while a rich creamy palate and gentle oaking sure was delectable, scoring a 7/10.

My sixth choice was none other than a replay of my first one, Fairview Darling Riesling. Why would one not want to relive a few mouthfuls of perfection?

All in all, it was an incredibly fun day. Wine tasting is always set to provide good vibes and lots of fun and laughter. I’ll be sure to make another appearance at The Fairview Wine Estate.

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IMG_20150712_115006IMG_20150712_113456Mycaila – Jade

xxx

BUTT FIRSTLY, LET US LOCATE OUR ARSES!

Oh my goodness me!

Time for my FIRST official post about my Fitness and Booty Journey.

Right, so first things first. Let’s all just take a moment to recognise the size of our arses today. Done?

Great! Well, let me just say that I’d love to share the visual replicas of my arse with you, but to be fair, the enormity of my back-end resulted in an abnormal blockage of the sun and left me totally in the dark with nothing but an ass-timate of it’s current scary size. I’m afraid, it’s too large to even comprehend guessing. I feel like my arse is not only a rude one and completely out of line (and size for that matter), but is also somewhat cheeky too! Puns and buns intended, ofcourse!

Quite personally, I think it’s time to make my arse apologise profusely and teach it some manners! Who’s with me?

That being said, such current state requires some drastic measures. My arse and I will therefore be keeping a fitness journal which will be uploaded to my blog of my day to day workouts and eating habits to get to the ‘bottom’ of this problem and put it ‘behind’ me.

Tomorrow shall be the first day that I’ll have an officially well behaved arse!

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Mycaila – Jade

xxx